My toddler, much like his eating habits (where all vegetables are apparently an offense to humanity), is extremely picky about who he lets into his exclusive VIP inner circle. He loves them fiercely, protects them like a bodyguard on RedBull and yes, he also fights with them like it’s a debate driven to the ground! But at the end of the day, he little tribe is non-negotiable.
So, it was his closest friend’s birthday (an event on par with the Oscars in his mind) and ofcourse he wanted to give her the perfect gift. Now the past year was easy-peasy, I took him to the store where he browsed like a tiny gentleman, chose a gift and boom! Happy friend, happy life! This year was a whole different story. This year was a whole different era! This was the “I’m-4-Plus-And-I-Know-Everything” era. *face palm*
It all began with a declaration, “I need to pick a gift, not you! I want something special.” Spoken with such conviction you’d think he was pitching for a 1M$ job. I laughed, agreed and mentally braced for chaos.
Then came his very specific request, “Let’s go to the mall. I will find something pink there. Did you know pink is her favorite color?” Yes Kooks, I live for unsolicited color coded gift requirements at 4pm on a Tuesday!
Little did I know, I was about to embark on a shopping mission so intense, it would make my own marathon browsing sessions (that end in me buying absolutely nothing and my husband questioning all life choices) look like amateur hour.
First stop, our favorite bookstore with a modest toy section. We browsed. We rode the elevator 3157 times (it was 7 times) because pushing buttons is life. We left unimpressed because apparently the literary toy offerings weren’t up to the standards of a 4-plus-year-old with a vision.
Next stop? A beauty store! Why you ask? Because clearly, that’s where all the ideal gifts for preschoolers reside. His thought process? “Mama smells nice. This store smells super nice. We can find a pink smell here!” In the process, he managed to curate a mini haul of great perfume picks……..for ME. All excellent choices by the way. Future Sephora consultant, right here.
Then came the “pink pen” moment. Spoiler alert: it was lipstick. But he was so sure it was a writing instrument, just very short from all the sharpening. If only he knew.
We exited with no “pink smell” perfume and no pink pen. Just the echo of my amusement and a mild existential crisis.
Next up, a jewelry store. Because nothing says “4th birthday” like panic over choking hazards. He carefully examined the charms, looked utterly horrified and announced in a voice of doom, “Nooo. These are too small. It can get stuck in our throats. Let’s goooo right away!” And off he ran, leaving behind a very confused saleslady and me pretending I knew what was happening.
We then proceeded to two more stores which felt like wandering through a desert looking for the meaning of life. Suddenly, like a twist worthy of a Hitchcock movie, we became adventurers drifting from floor to floor looking for a pirate’s treasure chest that the Polizei (the police) have confiscated. Ofcourse it had!
Just when I thought the end was no where in sight, salvation appeared in the form of our holy grail : THE ICE CREAM SHOP!
Now, we have a strict “temperature rule” in our house. If the temperature is above 22 degrees and we’re not coughing or sneezing, ice cream is allowed. It’s basically our constitutional right you see! After the necessary health and temperature checks(because rules are rules), we indulged in our beloved “zitrone” (lemon) ice cream and just like that, the epic gift hunt was forgotten.
Three hours. Zero gifts. One(ok two!)scoop of lemony joy.
Oh, the wild, whimsical brilliance of toddler logic….. and the tragic tale of my poor, abused feet.
Novembrella 